I grew up surrounded by criticism and
negativity, so I learned to be critical and negative, especially
concerning myself. Ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed with myself,
denial, lots of denial, to get through every day. My size and weight
controlled me and held me back in many ways. It affected where I went,
what I did, activities and events that I chose to be involved with, how
I acted and reacted. I was very sensitive and easily wounded about it. I
lived and looked like I was twenty years older than I was. Just two
small examples of the experience I'm sharing with you might be, for
instance, my hair and make-up. Hairsprays, gels, even hair pieces added
into my own hair just to make it look bigger and compensate for the size
beneath my neck! Make-up, goop and globs of mascara to draw the eye
toward my face to help distract from all the rest. "But, you have such a
beautiful face," people would say. If I had a dime for every time I was
told that, my goodness, it made me wonder and ask myself, "What's wrong
with the rest of my five foot, ten inch frame?" My problem was how I
would deal with myself, ENTIRELY, because there was more to me. I knew I
was trying to hide that, "big girl" outwardly, but inwardly, hiding lots
of pain, even the pain of descriptions like that. I wasted way, waaaaay
too many hours in the mirror, not to mention the cost of all those
products, the stress they caused and the time they took, the fun in life
I was missing out on!
As an illustration, I would use a coat with weights sewn inside. I would
put twenty-five pounds in each sleeve of each arm, fifty pounds across
the back and another fifty pounds in the front. Imagine if I would then
put that coat on and go about my usual day wearing the one hundred and
fifty pound coat. If I could even bear wearing it all day, at the end of
the night I'd take it off totally exhausted, I'm sure! Yet for years, I
did just that! In fact, a little over one hundred and fifty pounds!
Whew, that's twenty-four, seven as they say. Unbelievable to me now. How
did my poor little bone structure and spine handle it all? (They did
find two bulging discs in my back on an MRI years ago, and they were not
the only things bulging.) What would the numbers and levels for my blood
sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol be today, had I not begun this
healthier journey? We all know the complications from excess weight that
affect the veins, like phlebitis, blood clotting, swollen ankles. It
creates undue stress on the joints, back conditions, sore, aching
muscles, general premature aging. Perhaps I would have needed a knee or
hip replacement by now. I was at one point all of three hundred and
thirty pounds. These are not exaggerations. I have heard at my speaking
engagements the complaints from those who are overweight with all of
these issues and the many medications they must take to help them!
(Think of all the side effects!) Still, there are female and hormonal
conditions that are much better managed at a healthy weight. Last, but
certainly not the least, that little muscle no bigger than your fist
.... the heart, my ever pumping and pounding heart with all that weight
around it and so little exercise for it.
If you had told me, through the heaviest years in my twenties and
thirties, that in my forties, I'd be entering fifty mile bike rides,
running in marathons, swimming, hiking, weightlifting, horseback riding,
enjoying pilates, aerobics, travel and a whole new world of adventurous
activities, I would think you were completely crazy and that you didn't
know who you were talking to! As a child I rode my bike and enjoyed
swimming a lot, but later in life (and heavier), I hated exercise and
physical activities! I only "used" that kind of drudgery as a method to
the means of losing weight, along with nearly starving at ridiculous
diets of five or six hundred calorie limit's a day, and yes, it would
always come off, but it soared right back up within months, with even a
little extra, Yuk! I had in my closets, sizes that ranged from eights
and tens through plus size twenty-fours and xxxlarge, not very
flattering to admit, but that's what yo-yo dieting will get you. I
married my husband in a snug size twenty-four dress, and today his bride
wears size four, and some twos, and not just for a few weeks or months
to "soar " back up again, but for many years now! Season to season, year
to year, maintaining the same steady size is energizing in itself!
Clothes shopping was once a burden, but for years now it's a delight,
something I really look forward to! The styles and choices available to
me are unlimited, and that's thrilling!
With absolutely no surgery, stomach stapling, lap bands, etc., (no
plastic or cosmetic surgery since the weight loss), no expensive diet or
weight loss plans, no extra money spent or wasted, I share today at many
women's groups, retreats and seminars how this can all happen. We don't
need addictive, unhealthy habits to rely on, like smoking, caffeine,
herbal stimulants, weight loss products or pills of any kind. It's not
by ANY MEANS overnight, but to MAINTAIN an over one hundred and fifty
pound weight loss for almost eight years is a daily work that I enjoy
sharing the details and intricacies of, to help others. UNDERSTANDING
truly, that there's soooo much more to weight loss, (and most
importantly, once lost, MAINTAINANCE of a slim, healthy, fit weight)
than just diet and exercise--this is what I LOVE to share about as a
vocation, a "call". The benefits for me are amazing in so many ways. Oh
yes, nutrition and fitness are the powerful combination to battle the
bulge, but, there's a HUNGER for other things that drives the overweight
and obese, the perpetual yo-yoers, those depressed and disappointed with
themselves, and I've been every one of these. If this HUNGER is never
addressed, confronted and worked through, (for most of us, it may take
years, possibly the rest of our lives) we will keep fighting to get the
weight off, and losing at keeping the weight off, and never reaching
deep down for the TRUTH. My goal is to help others now to find the right
WAY to work on their weight, by uncovering the TRUTH of the origin of
their "hunger", and then successfully living that LIFE they were always
meant to LIVE!! Don't be critical or hard on yourself, try not to "go
negative", and whatever you do ...NEVER, EVER give up on yourself! We
can do this!
